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EXHAUSTED

Some of you have probably noticed that I’ve been very quite once I arrived to Australia. I know that some of you have reached out to me via social media without getting an reply. Before leaving The Åland Islands, my body behaved very weird and I had all kinds of strange symptoms and difficulties. At one point it wasn’t sure that I’d be able to actually start my journey towards Australia. I had pushed my body too hard for many weeks. I was finishing up everything at work, mayor projects and also brought two new employees under my wings. While all this was going on, I moved out of my apartment, which was a huge task. I thought that I had prepared everything already and at the end of November, I’d only have to move a few items. I can assure you, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Also during this time, I had loads of projects going on (photography and more) that I had to somehow finish before leaving. Some projects went better than others. Didn’t feel too good about leaving projects sloppy and half finished. But as I mentioned, my body started to shut down and then I had no choice. I simply had to focus 100% on myself and just leave everything else. At one of my previous jobs, when something went wrong in production, my boss had a saying – “Well, we’re not brain surgeons”. Meaning that it’s just physical matter. I tend to think about that a lot. I don’t have superpowers and sometimes things get out of hand. I know that some might feel disappointed at me, for saying “Yes, we’ll definitely have a coffee/meet-up before I leave” and then nothing, not a single word from me.

Not really sure what to say about that except that I’m sorry. With my limited time and a completely exhausted body, a shutdown was bound to happen. I hope that some of you can be forgiving and understand the amount of pressure I had on my shoulders.

When riding the elevator for the last time, before handing over the keys for my apartment, I took a self portrait. I looked at myself in the mirror and had a very melancholic feeling about everything. The end was near and I had to push through in order to make this life changing decision happen. Once I borded my flight from Mariehamn on the 10th of December at around 21:50 – someone else was pushing me forward, in this case, the pilot of that flight. I was finally out of control.

Today I’ve finally begun to feel a bit more grounded and some kind of joy again. Almost like a reignition, a tiny spark that got my mind spinning again (in a positive direction). I haven’t done much yet while being in Brisbane. I’ve taken the bus a few times to the city core and strolled around a bit. I’ve also prepared for “Woodford Folk Festival” – which I’ll be attending (it will be a mind blowing experience). One of the persons I have to thank the most is Liza Gordon. I met her on Iceland back in 2014, when life wasn’t too great. Our lives were bound to somehow intertwine. We stayed at the same hostel and clicked instantly with each other. We had some really great shared moments together. For instance, one day we took a rental car and drove for hours and ended up on a black beach in the middle of nowhere, in mid December. The wind was blowing quite hard that day and a few flakes of snow blew past our heads. The waves were intense and made loud sounds when slamming against the edge of the beach. I’ve never felt so content in my life before. So much that I wouldn’t mind that the waves would swallow me and drag me down into the ocean. I would simply become one with the world and mother nature. It all might wound very dramatic and on the verge to suicide, but I can tell you, it wasn’t all like that. It’s very hard to describe that in words. Me and Liza became very good friends in that short period of time that we spent together on Iceland.

Liza is actually one of the huge building blocks for making this life changing experience possible for me. She opened up her arms and let me move into her apartment in Brisbane. I hope that I can somehow return this major favour one day. Thank you Liza!

I will start to blog and upload more material about my stay in Australia. Many of you requested some kind of Instagram, blog or similar to follow my journey. I haven’t yet decided what medium I shall use, but I’ll keep you posted!

Last but not least, happy holidays!

Take care,
Martin