Traveling changes everything.
It’s my second time going to Iceland. The last time I came home from Iceland I had a massive breakdown, not knowing what to do with my life. This time it was very different. On the 5th day in Reykjavik something changed, suddenly my world back at home didn’t exist at all. It was just something that I’ve made up in my head, living in the Åland Islands, had a job, an apartment. All of that didn’t exist at all. My life was suddenly 100% in Iceland. I have never encountered such a dramatic shift in emotions and beliefs to what I thought was my home. Once one of my psychiatrist said: A home is something you build within, it doesn’t or shouldn’t be a home based on only material stuff that would make you feel safe. A home could practically be anywhere, as long as you build up a safe home within yourself. Then it doesn’t matter where you are or what you have.
Maybe I’ve reached that point in my life? My home within myself feels safe and strong. This time I might be able to finally let go of unnecessary clutter and things that I’ve surrounded myself with the last few years. It’s a strange sensation, yet a very good one. The bigger part of my life I’ve been struggling with this. All because I had a very unsafe and unstable upbringing. A constant battle of survival, always on panic-mode. When being in that state of mind, all I could do, was spontaneous and drastic 180 degree turns. Then there was no possibility for me to get stuck anywhere, since staying put wasn’t simply safe. It was draining and harmful in the long run, I know that know. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve lost track of who I am and what I’d like to get out of this life.
I know that I want to continue with photography, that’s for sure. Writing as well, since it gives me a check-up. Where I am, how do I feel, most importantly – creating a safe home within. On Iceland I met so many amazing people. All whom I shared my story with and they shared theirs. Being out there, in the world, sharing experiences is amazing. Somehow life seems easier, more fulfilling and gives a sense of purpose. One of them who I met on the hostel I was staying at, thought me a very important lesson. It was quite simple and straight forward. To not give a fuck about what people think! Live your life as you see fit (as long as you don’t inflict harm towards another human being or doing other illegal stuff, that could throw you in jail).
Stop overthinking! Don’t listen to your head all of the times! Go with what your heart desires and then you’ll automatically surround yourself with the right persons, that actually believes in you and will bring you more joy in life. Many of the times I felt very embarrassed about what he said or what he was doing. But after a few days I realized how much fun he was actually having. ‘Cause he couldn’t care less about what people think of him, doing random stuff on the street, speaking up, being generous and fun. Some laughed and had a giggle, some didn’t. I’ve always had that sense of concern, what will people actually think of me? Considering every word, movement and more – before actually doing anything. It’s exhausting and I felt slightly worthless. It’s definitely not a life worth living – so I’ll pass on this advice to you, from him. Speak up! Do random stuff, follow your instinct! Worst case scenario, you’ll have to apologize. In the long run, you’ll probably have a giggle when looking back at it.